The Risks of Mom Burnout – and What You Can Do About It

Ask a room of moms to raise their hand if moth­er­hood has ever been stress­ful, and it’s like­ly that every hand will shoot into the air. 

Stress might seem like part of the mom job descrip­tion. And while some stress is nor­mal and even okay, over­whelm­ing stress can lead to deplet­ed moth­er syn­drome (also called mater­nal burnout syn­drome, or sim­ply mom burnout).

At a Glance: Mom Burnout

• What it is: Ongo­ing phys­i­cal, emo­tion­al, and men­tal exhaus­tion caused by the demands of motherhood.
• Com­mon signs: Fatigue, sleep prob­lems, irri­tabil­i­ty, guilt, lone­li­ness, or ​“mom rage.”
• Who it affects: Stay-at-home and work­ing moms alike, with stres­sors rang­ing from house­hold duties to work-life balance.
• Why it mat­ters: Unchecked burnout can harm rela­tion­ships, dam­age phys­i­cal health, and increase risk of anx­i­ety or depression.
• Ways to cope: Mind­ful­ness, self-care, real­is­tic par­ent­ing expec­ta­tions, and pro­fes­sion­al support.

What Is Mom Burnout?

Mom burnout isn’t a med­ical diag­no­sis, but it’s a very real prob­lem. It occurs when a moth­er has symp­toms of phys­i­cal, men­tal, and emo­tion­al exhaus­tion due to care­giv­ing respon­si­bil­i­ties that go beyond her abil­i­ty to cope. The con­cept of burnout was orig­i­nal­ly in the con­text of work, describ­ing a type of stress peo­ple have on the job. In the con­text of moth­er­hood, burnout looks very similar. 

Since mom burnout isn’t a med­ical con­di­tion, there isn’t an offi­cial list of symp­toms. How­ev­er, there are char­ac­ter­is­tics that a lot of moms with burnout share. 

Burnout can affect how you feel phys­i­cal­ly and emo­tion­al­ly, and how you inter­act with others. 

Phys­i­cal signs

• Low ener­gy
• Fatigue or phys­i­cal exhaustion
• Sleep prob­lems
• Get­ting sick more often than usual
• Appetite changes

Emo­tion­al signs

• Men­tal exhaus­tion and feel­ing overwhelmed
• Feel­ings of guilt or shame
• Irri­tabil­i­ty
• Lone­li­ness 
• Think­ing that you are a ​“bad” mom or that being a mom is ​“too much”
• Feel­ing that you are dif­fer­ent than the par­ent you used to be or want to be

Behav­ioral signs

• “Mom rage” (hav­ing extreme emo­tion­al highs and lows, being hos­tile, and uncon­trol­lable episodes of intense anger)
• Emo­tion­al detach­ment or social isolation
• Eas­i­ly snap­ping at your child or part­ner, espe­cial­ly for minor things that wouldn’t nor­mal­ly be a big deal
• “Drop­ping the ball” in oth­er aspects of life, like work or relationships

Also read: Chron­ic Stress Is Mak­ing You Sick

Dif­fer­ences in Burnout Among Stay-at-Home Moms and Moms Who Work Out­side the Homes

It doesn’t mat­ter if you’re a stay-at-home mom or you work out­side the home. Mom burnout can affect any moth­er. Women often have a greater men­tal load (the emo­tion­al and cog­ni­tive work need­ed to man­age a house­hold like meal plan­ning and sched­ul­ing) than men – espe­cial­ly if they are moth­ers. Recent research shows that moms tack­le 71% of the house­hold men­tal load tasks, while dads take on 45%. 

While a lot of burnout symp­toms are the same among stay-at-home moms and those who work out­side the home, the two groups some­times expe­ri­ence burnout differently.

Stay-at-home moms often expe­ri­ence mom burnout because of all the care­giv­ing respon­si­bil­i­ties they have on a dai­ly basis. They may feel like their part­ner doesn’t appre­ci­ate what they do, or they may be over­whelmed if they don’t have any­one who can share respon­si­bil­i­ties. In some cas­es, they may feel like they are to blame for finan­cial strug­gles, since they’re not bring­ing in an income.

Moms who work out­side the home might not have the same care­giv­ing respon­si­bil­i­ties, but they may be in charge of coor­di­nat­ing their child’s care, which can be very stress­ful. They might feel exhaust­ed when they come home from a full day of work just to find a whole new set of tasks wait­ing for them at home, or they might feel guilty about being gone all day and not spend­ing enough time with their child. Even in mid- to high-pay­ing jobs, many moms expe­ri­ence stress from not mak­ing enough mon­ey to meet their finan­cial needs. 

A Word from Our Doctor: 

“Being a par­ent is no easy task. You’re expect­ed to be every­thing to every one and some­times it can feel like you’re fail­ing on all fronts. If you feel this way, you aren’t alone. You may have heard of burnout in the work­place, but burnout can hap­pen in rela­tion to parental stress. I’ve strug­gled with this myself as a par­ent to a 10 month old, try­ing to be a great health­care provider and a great mom. What’s most impor­tant is to reach out, find sup­port where you can, and (hard­est of all) give your­self some grace. You don’t have to be per­fect to be great.”

-Dr. Alli­son Ven­zon, MD, Board Cer­ti­fied Fam­i­ly Med­i­cine Physi­cian at Duly Health and Care, pro­vid­ing full-spec­trum care for patients of all ages in Lom­bard, IL.

Your fam­i­ly needs the best ver­sion of you, and that starts with get­ting the sup­port you deserve. Don’t wait until burnout takes over com­plete­ly. Sched­ule an appoint­ment with a psy­chi­a­trist, coun­selor, or ther­a­pist today to get the sup­port you need and start feel­ing like your­self again.

Find a psy­chi­a­trist, coun­selor or ther­a­pist near you >

The Con­se­quences of Unman­aged Mom Burnout

The lev­el of stress that comes with burnout can cause sig­nif­i­cant problems.

Mom burnout can cause you to ​“take it out” on your child, like yelling or get­ting very angry over lit­tle things. This doesn’t just upset your child – it can also make burnout worse. Once you’ve calmed down, you might think back on it, regret it, and feel shame and guilt. It might even keep you up at night, leav­ing you exhaust­ed and cranky in the morn­ing. This can cre­ate a vicious cycle, where the burnout keeps get­ting worse. 

Addi­tion­al­ly, chron­ic stress (includ­ing from mom burnout) can affect your phys­i­cal health and put you at an increased risk for con­di­tions like heart dis­ease, high blood pres­sure, irri­ta­ble bow­el syn­drome (IBS), and type 2 diabetes. 

In severe cas­es, mom burnout can also take a seri­ous toll on your men­tal health. The burnout can lead to depres­sion, anx­i­ety, prob­lems with alco­hol or sub­stance use, or even thoughts of self-harm or suicide. 

How to Treat Mom Burnout

For­tu­nate­ly, there is no short­age of options when it comes to man­ag­ing symp­toms of mom burnout. Be patient – it might take try­ing a few dif­fer­ent meth­ods or com­bin­ing them to find what works best for you.

Also read: Tips to Avoid Mil­len­ni­al Burnout

Prac­tice Mindfulness.

Mind­ful­ness is the prac­tice of being ful­ly aware of what’s hap­pen­ing in the moment inside your body and with­in your sur­round­ings and accept­ing what’s hap­pen­ing with­out judg­ment. It’s been shown to reduce stress, help keep you from feel­ing over­whelmed, and improve symp­toms of depres­sion and anxiety. 

Med­i­ta­tion, deep breath­ing, mind­ful eat­ing, and exer­cis­es like yoga are all great ways to incor­po­rate mind­ful­ness into your every­day life. You may also want to learn about mind­ful par­ent­ing, which is when you focus on the here and now with your chil­dren, rather than focus­ing on what’s to come. 

Learn more about prac­tic­ing mindfulness. 

Pri­or­i­tize Self-Care.

Self-care is crit­i­cal for main­tain­ing both phys­i­cal and men­tal health, so make sure to take time for your­self. Even 15 min­utes of alone time can be enough to make a dif­fer­ence in reduc­ing stress. 

A key part of self-care is set­ting bound­aries and learn­ing to say ​“no” to oth­ers. It’s okay to turn down plans so you can have a night in or to sit out of vol­un­teer­ing at the school bake sale. If house­hold chores are pil­ing up, and your chil­dren or part­ner are capa­ble of tak­ing some of them on, don’t be afraid to ask them for help. 

Set Real­is­tic Par­ent­ing Expectations.

There’s no such thing as ​“per­fect” when it comes to par­ent­ing. The more you try to achieve per­fec­tion, the worse it can feel and the more stress it can cause when it doesn’t happen.

This means let­ting your­self off the hook that one night you can’t han­dle cook­ing and decide that break­fast for din­ner night is in order. It also means resist­ing the urge to com­pare your­self to oth­er moms and, instead, do what works best for you and your family. 

Know When to Get Help.

You don’t need to han­dle mom burnout alone. Some­times, prac­tic­ing self-care or talk­ing with oth­er moms who are going through sim­i­lar expe­ri­ences can help you feel less alone and learn cop­ing strate­gies. But oth­er times, you might ben­e­fit more from work­ing with a men­tal health provider, like a coun­selor or psy­chol­o­gist. They can help you dis­cov­er ways to de-stress, improve your men­tal and phys­i­cal well-being, and get off that mom burnout train. 

Don’t wait until you’re com­plete­ly deplet­ed to get help. Sched­ule an appoint­ment with a Duly Health and Care men­tal health provider today, because you deserve sup­port, not just survival.